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written on April 1, 2003 @ 11:04 pm

Feelin' a bit

at the moment.

I love being perfect, and I have to admit it. Everytime I do something, I strive to make it perfect. Being a perfectionnist ain't easy, especially when you're a huge procrastinator. The final products are usually "perfect" in my eye though. Not literally, but I'm at least satisfied with them. I think I got 100% for computer science, at least this semester. There. I can discard the claim that it's impossible to get perfect in school. Although it's a disadvantage to me, I have to say being perfect feels good.

I'm starting to envy Miranda. I'm screwed. It's so easy for me to envy and be jealous of someone. Miranda knows so many people around the school. She's smart, funny, and very friendly too. I'm so glad to have known her, even though it's just been a few months or so. Notice that I didn't mention what she looks like. Well, she's average I guess, not the extremely pretty type (mind you most of those people are bitchy) that every guy craves for. (I'm not dissing you at all, in case you're reading this, Miranda.) She's pretty attractive though, I'd say, at any cost, better than me. I envy her not because of her looks (like I envy "certain" other people), but because of her personality and traits. She's such an adorable person.

Hmmm...I haven't seen him online today. The hopes of coming online later seem slim, but I'm getting used to being online without his accompany. It used to be so great when we first knew each other, to talk about each other's problems and worries, and share joy and sorrow. However, it seems different now. Maybe it's because of me. Maybe it has nothing to do with him, and that I just think things are changing. I wanted to be special, and I thought I was, but things weren't as I thought they'd be. I'm probably just another person who he dumps all his problems and sorrows on. Who am I to think that I might deserve a place in his heart anyway?

All of a sudden I feel worthless. I think well of others but think down on myself. Am I such a failure? If I am, then what's the point of living on in life?